My quest for a self sufficient life
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Hi, I'm known around these parts as Fennelseed.
My Partner, Bert and I live and work in the city, but escape on the weekends to our little block of land on the south east coast.
Our little piece of paradise consists of five unruly, fertile acres, just 10 minutes drive from the ocean. Our ambition has been to create a self sufficient haven where we can retire and live simply and peacefully. The crazy thing is, to achieve our dream, we need to continue working in the corporate rat race for some years yet to be able to fund our simple life. Ironic, isn’t it.
I wish to apply permaculture principles to developing our property and have made some small advances such as establishing a vegetable garden, composting, mulching and creating a worm farm.
My beautiful son walked around the garden with me last Spring. Dale hadn’t seen my garden before as he had been living in the far north of the country for some years and his visits had been to our home in the city.
His words to me were, “Mum, I am so proud of you”.
What do you think? My veggie patch is impressive, isn't it. But that was last year.
Since my son's accident I have had little inclination to work in my garden. After months of neglect, it now looks like this.
By being able to release my grief in words here, the support and encouragement I have encoutered in the hub pages community, and the huge amount of courage shown by hubbers in their own situations, I feel inspired to push on.
As well as that, I need to feel Dale's pride in me again.
Dale was greatly opposed to greed and the material world. He, himself lived simply and fully with few possessions and lots of experiences in working and playing in the outdoors, enjoying all the wonders of nature. My son passed away in December, 2010. I miss him terribly and will continue to write for him and about him.
I enjoy writing and photography and would like to share my experiences in our quest for a self sufficient life, here on hubpages, sharing the ups and downs and imparting and seeking advice as I go.
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Thank you for your comment Cotsy and thank you for the G-up. The force in your words is just what I need. It is a mess, and I nearly didn't put that photo on my hub because I felt ashamed at how neglected my garden has become. I feel like you know where I am at.
Writing is quickly becoming my passion and it is helping enormously.
My second passion is food and reading your hubs certainly entices the senses. Well constructed writing that takes the reader places. Love it.
Thank you again.
Hi Fennelseed,
This is so honest and truly beautiful. I have read it through three times now and it has brought even more inner peace to me also.
Dai has another day off from his work as a Taxi driver today again, because today is an official bank holiday .
We are going to take a picnic up to the mountains and hopefully take some pictures at the same time.
This hub will be with me, because it is straight from your heart and I relate to this.
It won't take you long to get back to your beautiful garden, it hasn't gone anywhere it is simply waiting for as long as it has to.I push beautiful/awesome and up for this one plus a bookmark.
Tomorrow I will be back to normal so I will publish one or maybe two hubs.
Take care and God bless you and yours.
Eiddwen.
Hi Eiddwen,
I am so glad you like this hub. I guess its the first time I have actually revealed myself outside of my all consuming grief. I think I am starting to use grief's powerful force to keep my Boy with me in every thing I do.
I hope you have a wonderful day in the mountains and I look forward to reading your new hubs.
As always, thank you again and again for your support and friendship.
Warm wishes,
Fennelseed
Oh your garden is so beautiful and it will look that way again!
My husband and I used to make grapevine baskets and wreathes together and then sell them for a hobby. We would go out in the woods and bring the grapevine back to the house, that was part of the fun. Last year I finally made a basket, but it wasn't until late fall and it was only because my son had cut some grapevine down and it laid there for a month. I felt connected to Joe the entire time I made it and was glad I did it.
Dale is proud of you for who you are! Keep being true to yourself and don't give up your dreams! You are in my prayers!
Thank you Fossillady, I actually printed off your instructions for making grapevine baskets a few days ago. We have some grapevines which we will be pruning shortly, so am keen to try making a basket.
It is so good that you have that connection to your husband though an activity that you shared. He must be so chuffed with your basket and your courage.
You are inspirational and I am glad I have met you here on hub pages.
My prayers are with you as you continue on your journey. Finding HubPages and writing helped me with my grief also. While I no longer try to grow veggies, I have turned to flowers and herbs. Beautiful pictures, beautiful garden. I look forward to reading more from you.
Thank you for your comment, dukeny21. I am glad you like my garden. I have a long way to go, both in coping with my beautiful son's passing and in getting my garden back in order, but the support I am finding here is giving me the strength and determination I need to push on.
It's lovely to meet you.
Fennelseed: First let me say how deeply sorry I am that your son walks the spiritual road now and you cannot physically see or hold him. I truly believe he is beside you however and lives on behind the veil. His connection to the simple life and your deeply held mother-love will sustain the bond between you always. I have a son who means the world to me. He lives 3000 miles away and is building his own life, but I know the intensity of mother love and the bond with the son. I am sending you much love, hope and healing as you make your way through this journey. Keep writing, being out what lies within, and know there are others who wish you well and sending you their loving energies and understanding .
Thank you, Aley Martin, for your comforting comment. You are right the mother-son bond transcends distance and life and death. I do feel strongly connected to my son and I can relate to your description of my son living on, behind a veil. Thank you for providing me with this concept. It works for me and is very comforting.
Writing has been something I have dabbled in a little over the years, but I am finding its release now, a huge help in coping, and the words just keep tumbling out.
Thank you so much for your understanding and support.
Fennelseed I have enjoyed reading your writtings today. I am on the mission of finding my self and facing issues of my own. I am sorry about the loss of your son. I have a son as well and I can't imagine my life without him. I look forward to reading the words that you create.
Thank you Lil Mustard Seed. From one seed to another, I hope writing helps with your issues, as it has helped with mine. All the best and I in turn look forward to reading more of your hubs.
What a beautiful spot , I suspect Dale is there in that garden ! Awesome hub awesome place!.....:-}
Thank you Ahorseback, yes, I feel Dale with me there. It is an awesome spot, right beside the mountain, beside the sea. Thank you for visiting :)
Your words and pictures are lovely.
Thank you BizzyMom, it is a special place. I am glad you liked this hub.
Warm wishes,
Fennelseed.
I'm sure that your special place will grow back to health knowing the pride your son would have in your achievement. He will live on in every piece of it.
Thank you catsimmons, I appreciate your kind comment. The road back is a rocky one and unfortunately my enthusiasm has waned greatly, such is the nature of grief. It's all there waiting for me, however and I will achieve my goals. Welcome to hub pages.
I'm sure you'll find peace as you nurture your garden. It'll soothe you and you'll find comfort in everything that grows. I can't begin to imagine your loss and find such strength and bravery in your hubs. My best wishes to you.
As much as we love the power of words, they always pale next to reality, whatever that means to us. I read this hub because its title drew me in but, once inside, the purity of your heart and the sense of hope for the future quickened my experience with you, Bert...and Dale.
I didn't have to know any of you because you described your relationship with clarity through your words, your photo's and your life.
Your garden is beautiful and it is alive, patiently waiting for your return from a time of grieving it knows all to well is necessary and as natural as its leaves.
I encourage you to continue to write and to live...fully!
You said of Dale, "Dale was greatly opposed to greed and the material world. He, himself lived simply and fully with few possessions and lots of experiences in working and playing in the outdoors, enjoying all the wonders of nature." I would have really liked to have met him. He would have taught me much!
Fennelseed, there is no simpler life than loving. You have done that and this life beckons you to continue on that path.
You have moved me Fennelseed, and I am sure that your son would still be inclined to say, "Mum, I am so proud of you."
Peace be with you my friend, Peace be with you!
Humbly,
Bruce
Your kind words are very encouraging Born2care and I thank you for reading and leaving this very thoughtful comment.
After losing my son and plunging to the depths of grief over many months there has been a gradual shift in my attitude to life and I feel I am now on the way to living fully, albeit with some help, I believe from Dale. Dale knew how much I love my garden and a simple way of life. Late last October, coming up to the first anniversary I was doing it pretty tough and took a week off work. I spent the time trying to restore order in my neglected garden. Underneath all the weeds I found alive and thriving - herbs, self sown tomatoes, beans, lettuce, potatoes and a 3 foot high avocado tree that had grown from a seed in the compost. My garden went from total disarray to full production again within weeks.
We received so many tributes for Dale and common themes included "a gentle soul", "an inspiration", "solid to his principles", "an amazingly pure person", "a peaceful person" and so much more along these lines. Dale was very compassionate and selfless and I am very proud of him. I am so grateful for his life and for the lessons he imparted by just being him. He was well known for his continually beaming smile and his spirit shines on and therefore so must I.
It is lovely to meet you Bruce. Thank you again, your kind support means a lot to me. I have read your profile and some of your writing and I know you write from the heart. My best wishes to you, from Annie
I am honored Annie, that you would share more of your story. I am pleased to meet you and your family as well. I look forward to hearing more when life touches the chords of your writing fingers and I greatly appreciate your kindness.
Sincerely,
Bruce
Greetings fennelseed, I don't really know you, but after reading your profile and this hub as well as another, I feel you. Your words are pure truth and come from the spirit. Just as your desires for a sustainable, self sufficient life are clear here, your love for Dale is clear. He walks with you I know, and he lives in your garden.
It has been my experience that those who have clean hearts get what they want. Nothing could stop them, in the end. This has been an awesome hub. Prosper and prosper... someone will give direction: I believe this.
Thank you so much Curiad, Yes, I believe you are right, I do feel him with me in the garden, and the more effort I put into it he clearer I hear his words to me "Mum, I am so proud of you".
Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. My best wishes to you from Fennelseed.
Thank you so much for these encouraging words, GoldenBird. I believe also. It is all slowly falling into place, and I believe there is help coming from an unknown, unseen source!!!!
Thank you again, I really appreciate your kind comment. My best wishes from Fenneleed.
So happy I found this. It is beautiful. You talk about having to work in the corporate rat race a few more years to realize your ream of living a simplier life.
I was watching an episode of the Walton's Mountain a few days ago. A young man had just bought a wonderful piece of land on or near Walton's Mountain. He was so happy he was skipping around touching everything..."this mind dirt he said, and my tree, etc. He paid $50 ($25 dollars down and $2.00 a month until paid in full. That $50.00 was probably just as hard to come by as you working a few more years, but isn't it wonderful how much joy there is in us when we realize a dream. Good luck.
Thank you so much, Dee aka Nonna, I can relate to that young man, as it is just a magical feeling and while we have at least two more years of 9 to 5 to make our dream a reality, it is in sight and excitement is building.
I am so glad you can relate to where we are in life and I really appreciate your comment. I look forward to checking out your hubs. My very best wishes to you, from Fennelseed.
Cotsy 13 months ago
Writing about someone you love is such a wonderful way of getting through that grief process. It was huge for me and the writing really helped. Keep it up and get out there into that garden. Its a mess and he would not have wanted you to let it go. Tend to it like you would have done when your son was alive. Do it, do it.
I wish someone had said those words to me when I was in the depths of my grief. Just do it, for him and for YOURSELF.
Cheers